yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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