Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
