the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
