I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
