I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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