before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.