I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever