So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
