Are we in a gay sports bar?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.