it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
