You made me cry and you don't even care
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
