New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
