it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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