and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
