remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
