whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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