I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
