mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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