What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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