Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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