I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
