if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
