the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
