The best revenge is premature balding
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
