Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
