The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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