things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I just went to clothing optional bar
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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