It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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