to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
