like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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