Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
