Girls should come with a carfax report
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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