You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
