I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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