your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
