I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
