Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
