...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
