i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
