I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
