I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
