No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
