O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
