He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just googled if crying burns calories
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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