I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
