hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
