party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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