Im at strip club and am horny
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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