Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
