# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
