You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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