Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
