btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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