if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In other news, I just burned my penis
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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