im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
