I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
