Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
