omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
