Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
