Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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