Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
