Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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