I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
