oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
