Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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