...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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