I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
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