I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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