I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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