id be glad to
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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