thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
