Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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