Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
