pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
