just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
